Virtual Reality might not have taken off in quite the way that its biggest advocates would have you believe, but there’s no denying that the market is slowly but
If video game companies were actual people, what would they be like and what do they look like?
Nintendo: An elderly Japanese man who still has the mindset of a child. He’s pretty likable and usually reminiscences about the “good ol’ days.” He loves to play pretend a lot. He’s quirky and unique, always coming up with the crazy ideas, but most importantly he puts fun above all else. He’s also pretty popular with kids and is definitely a family man. He’s kind of like your lovable uncle or grandfather.
Sega: A cool dude who’s too fast for his own good. He usually wears blue. He and Nintendo used to be rivals, but they’ve been getting along recently. He’s still a big force, but not as big as he used to be. He owns a blue hedgehog as a pet.
Sony: A middle-age Japanese man in a sleek black business suit with a blue tie. He’s always at odds with Microsoft. He’s always looking clean and everything he does is organized. He gets around and appeals to mostly everyone, though he tends to spread himself too thin sometimes.
Microsoft: An American middle-aged man in a sleek black business suit with a green tie, also wears glasses. He’s always at odds with Sony. He always boasting that he has the best “toys” (hardware) but his number of exclusives are yet to be desired. However, he’s a computer genius and spends most of his time in front of a monitor.
Bethesda: Bears an uncanny resemblance to Todd Howard. He’s a fallout survivor who thinks he’s also a Ye Old Hero from a far. Literal bugs are always following him around and he’s always caught lying, but somehow people can’t help but to love the guy. He’s a smooth talker and outgoing; very sociable and easy to talk to. He tends to repeat himself, often giving everyone the same thing in a different form. He’s a total dork/nerd/geek.
Obsidian: Bethesda’s younger twin step-brother. Another fallout survivor, but unlike Bethesda, Obsidian actually knows what to do. He’s more humble than his twin step-brother, though.
Rockstar: A literal rockstar, outlaw, and bully. He’s not afraid to be controversial, in fact, he basks in the controversies. He’s known to break the rules and nothing really scares him. In all, he loves to challenge the quota every time. He probably runs his own gang too and has committed too many crimes to count.
CD Projekt Red: A Polish swordsman who was on the brink of dying, but was revived and praised by all. Owns his own store which he periodically watches over. He’s essentially Bethesda’s better-looking Polish cousin.
Square Enix: A strikingly handsome Japanese swordsman. He’s tends to overcomplicate things which therefore confuses everyone. He’s a music lover and always finds the beauty in aesthetics.
Capcom: A Japanese street fighter. He’s a world champion fighter and, like Nintendo, he always coming up with some crazy ideas. He’s always itching for a fight and always has the best weapons. He’s made mistakes, but he always makes a comeback.
Epic: A battle royal contestant and host. He has made a ton of money through his battle royal alone and he intends to use his money to buy other properties. He owns a store named after him and intends to compete with Steam. He doesn’t like Valve too much.
Ubisoft: A French assassin. He’s a master of silent kills and an excellent hacker, but he is prone to messing up. He also good at dancing and loves to party when he has free time.
Bandai-Namco: Two Japanese twin brothers with differing tastes, but they get along pretty well. Bandai loves anime and toys and Namco loves video games.
Atlus: A Japanese schoolboy who’s seen some shit. He has a persona and he’s usually fighting off hordes of demons or shadows. He currently works behind the scenes as a phantom thief.
SNK-Playmore: A Japanese street fighter. She’s been out of the limelight for decades, but small audiences remember her. She’s been in Capcom’s shadow for far too long.
Valve: Look-a-like Gabe Newell. Has a literal valve handle stuck in the back of his head. He wears the suit from Half-Life and carries around a portal gun. He’s well loved by all but he can’t count to three. He owns a store called Steam, which has been a money-maker for him. He tries to ignore Epic.
EA: A greedy Con-Artist in a suit. Looks like Andrew Wilson, EA’s CEO. He’s always scheming about how to make more money in the most immoral way possible. He abuses his children on the daily and goes into a tirade if he’s not making enough money. Literally the devil in human skin.
Konami: A dishonorably discharged espionage soldier. He’s seen many things, but he’s always gotten through it. He used to be a hero in the eyes of many, but became bitter and greedy and now runs his own casino.
Activision-Blizzard: A married couple in an abusive relationship. Activision was once a nice guy, until greed corrupted his mind. He abuses Blizzard a lot, often treating her like a pack mule. Blizzard is very creative and loves working with everyone, but her husband keeps stifling her creativity.
Mojang: Literally a Sweedish young child. Plays with Lego’s… Like a lot. He’s currently in Microsoft’s care.
Naughty Dog: The perfectionist. The hero everyone wants to be. He’s never done anything wrong and receives praise on the daily. He’s like a celebrity in a way. He’s Sony’s pet dog.
Netherrealm Studios: A ninja from hell. He loves blood, gore, and violence more than anything else. Midway’s grandson.
King: A literal king on his phone, talking about ways to make more money.
Gearbox: Look-a-like Randy Pitchford/Handsome Jack hybrid. He’s a crazy bounty hunter with an asshole personality. He’s definitely unpredictable both online and offline. He’s also pretty prone to anger.
2K Games: Literally EA, except he plays basketball, not soccer.
BioWare: One of EA’s abused children. He’s a genius, but he literally wants to die at this point.
DICE: One of EA’s children. He has the potential to do great things, but he’s always messing up somewhere along the lines.
Respawn Entertainment: One of EA’s Children. He’s currently considered the “favorite” among his siblings.
PopCap: A pea-shooting plant who fights off zombies. Now owned (and abused) by EA.
Intelligent Systems: A Dragon lady entrusted with a holy sword, but she also wears a mask when playing as a man. She also builds robots on the side. One of Nintendo’s relatives.
Id Software: A space marine known for killing both Nazis and demons. He’s just as badass as Rockstar and they are good friends. Bethesda’s kick-ass cousin.
Rare: A British old man on his death bed. He’s forgotten by most everyone. He often remembers the golden years and wishes he could go back and relive them again. Microsoft watches over him.
Taito: Elderly Japanese man. He works closely with Square Enix. He also thinks about the glory days a lot, but he now resides in cooking quietly.
Type-Moon: A Japanese schoolgirl who’s well versed in world history. She knows more than she’s letting on. She can also sense other people’s impending deaths. Little does she know that she is the reincarnation of a female King Arthur.
WildTangent: A retired adventurer. He now makes a living selling other people’s merchandise.
Hudson: Dead. Died from an accidental bomb detonation.
Telltale Games: Dead. He was a great storyteller. Too bad that was all he could do.
Midway: Dead. He was a crazy son-of-a-bitch. Netherrealm looks up to him.
Lionhead Studios: Dead. Took his lies with him. Bethesda took a lift from him.
Interplay: Dead. The first fallout survivor. He did a lot of other things too.
Irrational Games: Went under a new name. He used to be a big advocate on smart storytelling.
(I might add more later, but these are the few I could think of.)
(Props to Matthew Yi for the ideas)
Bluehole: A young Korean guy that sues a lot, mostly Epic.
Bohemia Interactive: Works with the military, and gives giant military simulations to people. Once arrested for spying.
Tencent Games: Chinese businessman that makes mobile games and PC games. Main source is League of legends. His background is pretty sketchy. Epic and Riot’s elder relative.
Westwood Studios: Dead. Killed by Father EA. Made a lot of alternate history scenarios like what if Hitler never made Nazi Germany or if a super resource landed on Earth.
Atari: A French engineer who used to be a key player in the industry. He used to be the coolest one on the block with his toys, but as time passed he started becoming old news and he couldn’t keep up. He’s a big ping-pong player. He’s had several cases of an identity crisis, but he’s doing a bit better now. He’s trying to stay relevant. (Requested by OP).
THQ Nordic: A businessman who was on the brink of bankruptcy until he was saved by a friend of his (Nordic Games). He’s doing a bit better now.
Guerrilla Games: A Dutch machine hunter from a ruined future. He used to be a soldier fighting for his homeland. Sony’s relative.
Grasshopper Manufacture: A crazy Japanese assassin who carries around a chainsaw, a light sword, and anymore unconventional weapons. He’s a huge otaku.
Harmonix: A guitarist who is the leader of a band. He also loves to dance. He’s a huge audiophile.
Infinity Ward: An Army soldier. He knows his guns pretty well. Activision’s relative.
IO Interactive: A mostly silent hitman. He used to work closely with Square Enix, but left and went rogue.
Koei Tecmo: A married Japanese couple who get along pretty well. Koei is an effeminate male samurai and Tecmo is a beautiful female ninja.
Kojima Productions: Look-a-like Hideo Kojima. An espionage soldier who was dishonored and “punished” by his boss Konami. Now under Sony’s wing as a rouge operative. He’s known for being complex and having a stylish set of glasses.
Linden Labs: A female economist whose made a fortune off her own economy.
Marvelous!: A Japanese schoolgirl who goes to an all-girls ninja academy. She’s also a farmer.
Monolith Soft: She’s an armored female android who can also turn into a sword. Bandai-Namco’s relative and Nintendo’s adoptive relative.
MircoProse: A leader of a powerful civilization. He aims to take over the world and unite it under his rule.
Natsume: A Japanese farmer who loves his animals. He keeps his farm in tip-top shape.
Neversoft: A skateboard enthusiast and guitar player. He also loves comics and cowboys. Infinity Ward’s younger brother and Activision-Blizzard’s child.
Niantic: A virtual reality and augmented reality enthusiast. He likes to mess with the boundaries of reality and fiction. A close friend of Game Freak and Nintendo.
Nihon Falcom: A Japanese adventurer and swordsman. He slays dragons for a living.
Ninja Theory: A ninja entrusted with a heavenly sword. She’s also a devil hunter and suffers from hallucinations.
Nippon Ichi Software: A young Japanese lord of the underworld with little penguins following him around. He’s also part-vampire.
Oddworld Inhabitants: A green-skined humanoid creature. He used to be a slave for his corporate masters until he escaped.
Deep Sliver Volition: A gangster boss who later became the president of the United States and was tasked to kill off an alien race. He’s a psycho son-of-a-bitch.
Game Freak: A Japanese trainer and scientist who captures, collects, and studies pocket monsters. He’s also on the quest to become the Pokemon champion. One of Nintendo’s relatives.
Retro Studios: A space bounty hunter. Her favorite food are bananas. One of Nintendo’s relatives.
LucasArts: A Jedi Knight who also carries a whip. Look-a-like George Lucas. He has a fond love for history, adventure, and sci-fi. He’s done some other stuff on the side like direct movies.
Level 5: A Japanese detective with a top hat. He also has a magical watch that allows him to see Yo-Kai. He’s world renowned for his keen puzzle-solving skills and abilities to contact the spirit world.
3D Realms: Looks like Duke Nukem. He’s often considered a laughingstock among his peers. He’s a walking stereotype of the masculine man. Curses a lot, loves his guns, and loves to bang woman.
Thatgamecompany: A mysterious robed figure who doesn’t speak. She tends to wander off aimlessly and prefers to go with the flow. She likes flowers and tiny organisms. Sony’s relative.
From Software: An undead knight from a once prosperous kingdom. He’s always dying by something or someone, but he’s always revived. Even though his life is a constant loop of life and death, he prefers it this way. He likes the hardcore lifestyle. He’s also lived previous lives such as a samurai and a hunter. (Requested by commenter below).
Insomniac Games: An alien dragon-cat hybrid who has a love for comic books. He’s a genius engineer and manufactures the craziest weapons. He travels the universe, often saving it from evil forces. (Requested by commenter below).
Riot Games: A summoner with immense power to summon champions. Not much is known about them, not even their gender. Tencent’s relative.
4A Games: A Russian survivor of a nuclear war with psychic powers. He wears a gas mask all the time and doesn’t talk too much. He and Epic are pretty buddy-buddy.
Klei Entertainment: A gentleman scientist who knows way too much for his own good. He has the ability to alter the time of seasons. (Requested by Commenter below).
5th Cell: A young boy with a wild imagination and loves to draw. Anything he draws comes to life.
Arc System Works: A grumpy masculine anime swordsman and street fighter who wears too many belts. He doesn’t really care about a lot of things, but he does get pissed off pretty easily. He’s just as convoluted as Square Enix.
ZeniMax Media: Bethesda’s (greedy) care-taker. Also watches over Bethesda’s other relatives.
Arkane Studios: A framed assassin with magical powers seeking vengeance on those who wronged him. Bethesda’s cold-hearted cousin.
NCSOFT: A Korean elf whose also part-angel and a master of the martial arts. He’s quite handsome, but also arrogant. He’s also shrouded by controversies.
Zynga: An American farmer who’s made a fortune for himself through social media. He also loves to play poker.
Talesworld Entertainment: A Turkish knight who travels around the world around a horse. Not much is known about his past as he’s out there carving his own story. (Requested by Commenter below).
Nexon: A Korean gaming enthusiast who spends most of his time either on his phone or his computer. He’s a huge fan of MMORPGs.
Cygames: A Japanese dragon-riding captain who’s usually on his phone. He has a fondness for dragons.
Camelot: An alchemist and adventurer. He’s also a sports enthusiast. Nintendo’s relative.
Good-Feel: A creature made out of yarn. Nintendo’s relative.
HAL Laboratories: A dachshund who takes care of three eggs in a nest. They reside in the dream world. Nintendo’s pet dog.
Santa Monica: A war god who used to have serious anger issues, but over the years he’s calmed down a bit. He also has an exquisite taste for cake. Sony’s relative.
Bungie: Microsoft’s child and Activision’s former foster child. He’s directly related to Microsoft, but decided to leave for Activision. Then he left Activision and he started to do his own thing. He’s currently a guardian who’s destined to protect the Earth.
343 Industry: Microsoft’s child. A Spartan soldier who is also Bungie’s step brother. He followed in his step-brother’s footsteps.
Aces Studio: Dead. Microsoft’s forgotten child. He was an aircraft pilot.
Maxis: Undead. One of EA’s dead children. EA killed him off in cold blood, but then reanimated him back to life, but he hasn’t been the same since. Like BioWare, he wants to die too. He was a regular ordinary guy who lived many different lives. (Requested by Commenter below).
Visceral Games: Dead. One of EA’s Dead children. Killed by EA. He was a space engineer with dementia, but had a fondness for golf.
Bullfrog Productions: Dead. EA’s child and was killed by him. He created dungeons and theme parks while riding a magic carpet. Lionhead’s father in a sense and “father” to a few other companies.
Mythic Entertainment: Dead. EA’s child and killed by EA. He was an adventurer.
Silicon Knights: Dead. He was a knight who worked with people like Nintendo and Konami. Epic sued him to death.
Boss Key: Dead. Tried to be like Blizzard. He was a bit too arrogant for his own good.
Looking Glass Studios: Dead. He was a cyberpunk thief and the father to Irrational Games.
Eidos Interactive: Goes under a new name given to him by Square Enix. Works under Square Enix.
Omega Force: Koei Tecmo’s child and Team Ninja’s brother. A handsome and energetic samurai with a fond love for anime and takes after his father Koei.
Overkill: A masked bank robber. He’s always planning a heist and tries to avoid killing civilians. He’s also killed a few zombies here and there.
Project Sora Limited: Look-a-like Masahiro Sakurai. He’s an angel from greek mythos who loves to make references to other video games. He tends to break the fourth wall a lot. He has a knack for bringing everyone in the Nintendo family together to fight (along with a few other family friends).
Project Soul: A weapons-master from history who is tasked to ward off an evil sword. Bandai-Namco’s relative.
PlatinumGames: An over-sexualized witch who also lives a double life as an android. She’s mostly a freelancer. She’s Nintendo’s distant relative and Sega’s relative. She’s also worked with the likes of Konami and Square Enix.
Polyphony Digital: A Japanese race car driver with an expensive taste for cars. Sony’s relative.
Psyonix: A race car driver with a rocket-powered car. He plays soccer with that said car. Epic’s close friend (bribed him, just like 4A).
Quantic Dream: Look-a-like David Cage. Sony’s relative. A French director who has great ideas, but they don’t pan out as planned. He thinks his stories are complex, but they really aren’t. He also has a hard time when making simple decisions.
Remedy: A Finnish police detective turned vigilante. He’s on the hunt to find the people responsible for his missing wife and murdered child.
Take-Two Interactive: A businessman in a grey suit with an orange tie. Rockstar and 2K’s boss. He’s just as greedy as EA and Activision.
Rovio: An angry bird who hates pigs. He’s usually pecking at his phone.
Running with Scissors: A dude with sunglasses who gets extremely angry to the point of committing violent acts on innocent people for no reason. He carries around a baseball bat along with some other weapons. He’s even more controversial than Rockstar. He has paranoid psychosis and he does occasionally run with scissors in his hands.
Bend Studio: A biker hardened from the zombie apocalypse. He used to be a special agent working for the government until it collapsed. Sony’s relative.
Japan Studio: A young creative Japanese gaming enthusiast. His interests range from apes to gravity to cursed locations and everything else in between. Sony’s relative.
Silicon Studio: A beautiful Japanese priestess. She works closely with Square Enix.
Sonic Team: A young and energetic Japanese boy with blue hair. He’s incredibly fast. Sega’s child.
Spike Chunsoft: A warrior who task is to save a princess. He’s also a big anime fan.
Gameloft: A Frenchman with an obsessive-compulsive attachment with his phone and other handheld devices. He works closely with Ubisoft and is somehow related to him.
Media Molecule: A a burlap doll made from stuffing and ice cream. He loves to build new things with the things around him and loves to share his creations with everyone. He’s from the dream world. Sony’s living toy.
Clap Hanz: A golfer who spends most of his day golfing. Sony’s relative.
Sucker Punch: A former bike courier from a family of thieves with special powers, mostly electricity and smoke. He often switches off from being the hero to a villan and vice versa. He also has a pet raccoon. Sony’s relative
Team Ico: A young boy with horns who wanders the world with a plethora of different companions. He can’t talk. Sony’s relative
Team Ninja: Koei Tecmo’s child and Omega Force’s sister. She’s a beautiful female ninja and takes after her mother Tecmo. Sakura petals are her main aesthetic.
The Coalition: Epic’s child and Microsoft’s foster child. Left Epic for Microsoft. A soldier who is the leader of a de facto group.
Treyarch: A soldier who’s seen the horrors of war too many times to count. He also plays sports and reads comics when he has free time. Activision’s relative.
Tri-Ace: A Japanese space adventure looking for a cure for humanity. He has the ability to bend time to his will. He’s also a god slayer, but only when Square Enix says so.
Warner Bros. Interactive: Two brothers who are in the movie industry who decide to move into the gaming industry. The two are huge fans of comic books, movies, and legos. However, they’ve become greedy over the years.
Digital Extremes: A gunman who’s well-versed in his weapons. Epic’s former close friend.
Dontnod Entertainment: A young girl who can reverse time at will. She’s just like Quantic Dream in a sense. She’s also a lesbian vampire with a superhero alter ego.
Origin: Dead. EA’s child and killed by EA. He was a space adventurer.
Pandemic: Dead. EA’s child and killed off by EA. An alien who despises humans, but is a huge science-fiction fan, especially of Star Wars.
United Front: Dead. He was a race car driver. Sony’s relative.
Clover Studio: Dead. He was a Japanese superhero with the hand of God. He also has a kitsune as a pet. Capcom’s relative.
Compile Heart: A Japanese CPU goddess of the video game industry. She’s literally a personification of the state of the gaming industry. She likes to poke fun of Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft, and Sega the most but she isn’t afraid to playfully insult the other game companies. She’s breaks the fourth wall a lot like Project Sora and is aware that all the other game companies now people.
Crytek: An Army soldier in a futuristic exosuit. Like Square Enix, he’s insanely good-looking. He’s very picky when using a computer. When using a computer, he’ll occasionally ask “but can it run Crysis?”
Cinamatronics: An animator and artist. He’s still living in the 80’s with the way he looks and talks.
Codemasters: A BMX Bike rider. He’s also a sports enthusiast.
Coleco: Dead. He was an engineer and a toymaker who was doing well in the 80’s but met a sad end.
Commodore: Dead. He was also an engineer who was considered to be a big force in the industry at one point.
Crystal Dynamics: An alligator with a fondness for movies. Square Enix’s relative.
Devolver Digital: Literally Fork Parker, the fictional CFO of Devolver. He also breaks the fourth wall by mocking the current trends of the gaming industry. He wears a pig mask and a letterman jacket most of the time. He’s a violent assassin and a deranged psychopath.
Digital Homicide: A hack programmer and scam artist. A scumbag who thinks that he is the greatest thing ever since sliced bread. He often steals other people’s ideas and plays victim when caught. He can’t take criticism too well from across the aisle. He’s not the smartest person. He’s also recently changed names after he tried to sue for “emotional damages” and lost.
Disney Interactive Studios: Dead. Disney killed him off quietly and painlessly.
Eushfully: A sexy Japanese woman known for her sexual nature. She’s really the goddess of love and fertility, but she decided to settle in Japan for the time being.
Vivendi Games: Dead. Blizzard’s father. He offered his daughter to Activision with good intentions. Activision later killed him in cold blood after marrying Blizzard so he could have control. He had many other children too, but Activision killed most of them off.
Gottlieb: Dead. He was a strange orange creature who was a pinball arcade enthusiast. He loved color-coded cubes. He knew Nintendo and Capcom.
Her Interactive: A female detective who solves cases. She’s usually seen with a laptop in her bag.
Hasbro Interactive: Dead. Hasbro killed them off. Atari has some of their stuff.
Illusion: A sexually frustrated Japanese creep who stalks mothers and their daughters. He’s been accused of sexual assault multiple times.
iQue: The Chinese version of Nintendo. A close friend of Nintendo’s.
MECC: A pioneer from Minnesota who travels through the Oregon Trail with his family.
MicroGraphicImaging: A miner stuck trapped in an enormous cave. He constantly has to fight perils down there as well as stock up on air for him to breath. Atari’s distant relative.
Acclaim: Dead. Could not pay his debts in time. He was a sports enthusiast.
Mystique: Dead. He was an amateur porno director whose moment of fame came when he played as a cowboy in his own controversial porn.
NTDEC: Dead. He was a Taiwanese black market salesman. Not much is known about him other than the fact the he sold knock-off copies of Nintendo’s properties. He tried to make a living off Nintendo’s name but it never panned out. Nintendo came at him hard before he died.
Overflow: Dead. A Japanese schoolboy who was the love interest to several girls at his school. He was killed by one of his admirers for going with another girl.
Peach Princess: A princess with an erotic streak. Her innocent demeanor is a facade for her sexual tendencies.
Petroglyph Games: Westwood’s illegitimate child and distantly related to EA. Is a captain of an army fleet.
GameLab: Dead. She was the owner of a once succesful restaurant.
Shiny Entertainment: Dead. He was an earthworm who wore a robotic suit.
Psikyo: Dead. He was a Japanese swordsman and a Buddhist monk who could shoot lazers from his sword.
Purple Moon: Dead. She was a young American girl who valued the power of friendship.
Red Barrel: A Canadian freelance investigative journalist who goes to some of the most dangerous and scariest spots on the planet. He’s seen some messed up shit in his job.
Team 17: A talking and sentient military worm. He is the commander of one of the worm-led forces tasked to kill off other worms.
Team Shanghai Alice: A Japanese shrine lady who shoots multiple bullets at monsters and demons at the beat of sound. She’s a music lover and a solo vocalist.
Visual Arts: A famed Mangaka who also produces music.
(I think that’s it. I was going to do an Indie Dev version, but that list would be far too long to finish.)