Here are 10 things real-estate agents wish they could tell their clients, from how much money they really make to “your home isn’t selling because you have no

What are 10 things police officers wish they could tell you, but can’t?

Here are some things.

  • If you are going to do stupid stuff, it would be more convenient to do it Monday through Friday during daylight hours. Saving it all for the weekend sucks.
  • When we ask how much you’ve had to drink and you say “two drinks”, we always crack up, because we know you’re full of it.
  • When you beat up your boyfriend, ladies, and he doesn’t hit back? Your vagina is not a “get out of jail free” card, nor does it mean he automatically goes to jail because he has a penis.
  • If your loved one is in a holding cell and starts having DTs, we are not required to provide alcohol to help them. And medical costs will be covered by you in the long run, not us.
  • Offering sex to get out of a ticket will land you in hot water.
  • Your Facebook law degree isn’t worth the paper it’s not printed on.
  • Yes, we are allowed to go a little faster than the speed limit to catch you. We’re allowed because we are commissioned officers of the law, while you are not.
  • We can hide behind bushes with a radar gun. That’s not illegal.
  • We don’t appreciate when you tell your kids that if they don’t behave they will be arrested. That’s crappy parenting. And it leaves kids fearful of cops at a time when the cop may be there to save them.
  • Just because you resist fingerprinting doesn’t mean we give up. You are still getting fingerprinted.
  • You may make more in three months than we do in a year. But the other nine months you are in jail, so it averages out.
  • If you get busted for the first time with a DWI, you are now on our radar. Most first timers are back in with their second one a week later. Learn your lesson.
  • You shouldn’t be driving while revoked. But seeing as you do, drive carefully. When revoked, driving like a moron will draw attention to you.
  • We’ve gotten very good at spotting when you reach over your shoulder to put on a seatbelt during a traffic stop.
  • Your announcing you have “free traveler” status doesn’t mean you get to drive with expired tags, no insurance, or no driver’s license.
  • If we bust two 16 year old kids getting it on at Lover’s Lane, and tell you to go home, go home. You driving a quarter mile down the road isn’t fooling us.
  • If our arresting you makes you miss a court date in another county, that’s on you, not us.
  • Clogging the toilet in your cell to get even with us never works. You get to stand in toilet water, and it takes us just a few minutes to get a mop and bucket. We won’t be mopping…YOU will…and then you’ll be in lockdown for being a schmuck.
  • If you get busted for a half a gram of drugs, take the misdemeanor charge and summons. Try to destroy the evidence or toss it and we nail you? It can turn into a felony real quick.
  • You may be better looking. You may have more street smarts. But you are in here, stuck. When I’m done, I go home to my family. You don’t get to put on airs.
  • Jailers are not your servants.
  • If you are visiting relatives during visiting hours, make sure there are no warrants out on you as well. We bust more people that way.
  • During a traffic stop, yelling “Eff you, SOBs!” is pretty much going to guarantee that a potential warning just became a ticket.
  • Sign the ticket, or don’t. It’s up to you. Doesn’t change the fact that actions will have to be taken to resolve the issue.
  • When you tell that donut joke? You better be smiling.
  • If you say you smell bacon, it’s because your mother cooked me some for breakfast before I left to arrest you.